All Asses Were Not Created Equal...

...or at least that's what Levi's wants us to think!

A couple of weeks ago, I walked into a Levi's store with the intention of picking up another pair of my beloved jeans--the ones that fit my curves, are comfortable, and don't make me feel like a stuffed sausage. Sadly, I discover, as with so many other things, they've discontinued the style. Instead, they have their new "Curve ID" line, which has subsequently taken over the women's section. Their claim: these jeans allow each woman a custom fit. Great concept, not going to lie, but the truth is there are only 3 options: Slight Curve, Demi Curve, and Bold Curve. Sounded interesting....at first. According to the new branding, "all asses were not created equal." Frankly, upon reading that, I agree...at least from a superficial standpoint. But as I scan the rest of their advertisement and take in the criteria for each of their 3 new fits, I am flabbergasted. For starters, none of these models are of an average size. In fact, they "average" a size 2--a far cry from the actual average, which is about a 14. As they tell consumers that our asses are individual and should be celebrated as they are, there is an even stronger implication that one ass is far superior than the others: the one ready to fill out their Demi Curve jeans.

Levi's breakdown of "curvature" goes like this:

Slight Curve

• celebrates straight figures
• defines your waist
• enhances your curves

Demi Curve:

• frames perfect proportions
• flatters your waist
• smooths your shape

Bold Curve:

• honors real curves
• hugs your waist
• no gaping or pulling

So, I guess having hardly any curves at all needs to be corrected, and having a lot should be honored, but those whose curves meet their description of "perfection," well, hell, frame it and flatter it. To me, who sadly only fit into one wash and style of the Bold Curve jean, it would appear that Levi's is just another company marketing for the exceptionally thin, young, pre-motherhood, barely pubescent crew.